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Title: Haunting
Author: [livejournal.com profile] hawkeyecat
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Claim: General Series
Character(s): Trapper John McIntyre
Prompt: 084. He
Community: [livejournal.com profile] fanfic100
Word Count: 304
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Forty-ninth verse, same as the first.
Author's Notes: This is…not what I set out to write. I like it, though, and the idea behind it has been with me for a while.


Sometimes, when he’s home in bed with Louise, Trapper remembers Korea.

No, that’s not right. He remembers Korea all the time: at the hospital, patching up some dumb kid who wrecked his dad’s car; out golfing, when he sees an olive-green bag; out to dinner, when he overhears someone ordering a dry martini. Korea’s everywhere, even in Boston. It’s an inescapable fact of life.

Louise knows Korea changed him. She says he doesn’t laugh as easily, that he sometimes talks in his sleep about shrapnel, that even the girls know their daddy is different. She’s good to him, though, patient when he wakes her up in the middle of the night or stumbles up to bed, half-drunk on good scotch. Sidney could take a few lessons from Louise on how to treat someone recovering from the war. Sometimes she gets him to talk about it, and even when there are tears in her eyes from the sheer horror of it all, she keeps listening.

No, it’s not Korea that Trapper remembers in bed. Sometimes, bed is his only haven from the shells and bullets. It’s Hawkeye he remembers in bed. Hawkeye isn’t anywhere else, not in the gin or the scalpels. He’s only in bed, because those are the memories Trapper holds separate from the rest. The long, skilled fingers stroking his skin, wrapping around his cock. The stubble, scraping against his skin in a rougher kiss than any of the nurses would give. Off-color comments and sly glances in the shower, sometimes leading to more.

Trapper can’t help but feel guilty when that happens. But it’s not because he feels like he’s cheating on Louise; no, it’s because he didn’t leave a note, because he didn’t stay to say goodbye.

Because he feels like he’s cheating on Hawkeye whenever he’s lying beside Louise.

Date: 2006-07-11 11:59 pm (UTC)
sheikah: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sheikah
Gah. This was perfect. It almost seems like a darker note to my fic, but not. I love it to bits and you know how I love this pairing.

Date: 2006-07-12 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amazonqueenkate.livejournal.com
You were right. I didn't have to know the fandom. Trapper's conflict is lovely, and the ending packs a punch. Even if you didn't mean to write it, it's awesome.

Date: 2006-07-12 02:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mahlia.livejournal.com
I just love Hawkeye/Trapper, so even though it is sad, I loved it! that last line really got to me...

Date: 2006-07-12 04:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] captain-lubey.livejournal.com
Ooh, very nice twist at the end! I liked this, we never hear enough about Trapper coping after he got home!

Date: 2006-07-14 12:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mijmeraar.livejournal.com
I finished that last line with a gasp. It just pulled everything right in but it also blew it all apart. Perfect way to finish. I love the dimensions you have given Louise's character, I love that she is so aware and that she tries her best. It's sad but honourable and you just know that Trapper would not have 'settled' when he chose the person he would be with [want to be with] forever. It makes the finish all the more painful, because we're so aware of all the 'victims' in a sense, all three people. Great piece =)

Date: 2006-10-06 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampirespider.livejournal.com
Oh Trapper. Oh poor Trapper. This is *good* in such a hurtful way,

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