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[personal profile] rwryter
Title: Haunting
Author: [ profile] hawkeyecat
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Claim: General Series
Character(s): Trapper John McIntyre
Prompt: 084. He
Community: [ profile] fanfic100
Word Count: 304
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Forty-ninth verse, same as the first.
Author's Notes: This is…not what I set out to write. I like it, though, and the idea behind it has been with me for a while.

Sometimes, when he’s home in bed with Louise, Trapper remembers Korea.

No, that’s not right. He remembers Korea all the time: at the hospital, patching up some dumb kid who wrecked his dad’s car; out golfing, when he sees an olive-green bag; out to dinner, when he overhears someone ordering a dry martini. Korea’s everywhere, even in Boston. It’s an inescapable fact of life.

Louise knows Korea changed him. She says he doesn’t laugh as easily, that he sometimes talks in his sleep about shrapnel, that even the girls know their daddy is different. She’s good to him, though, patient when he wakes her up in the middle of the night or stumbles up to bed, half-drunk on good scotch. Sidney could take a few lessons from Louise on how to treat someone recovering from the war. Sometimes she gets him to talk about it, and even when there are tears in her eyes from the sheer horror of it all, she keeps listening.

No, it’s not Korea that Trapper remembers in bed. Sometimes, bed is his only haven from the shells and bullets. It’s Hawkeye he remembers in bed. Hawkeye isn’t anywhere else, not in the gin or the scalpels. He’s only in bed, because those are the memories Trapper holds separate from the rest. The long, skilled fingers stroking his skin, wrapping around his cock. The stubble, scraping against his skin in a rougher kiss than any of the nurses would give. Off-color comments and sly glances in the shower, sometimes leading to more.

Trapper can’t help but feel guilty when that happens. But it’s not because he feels like he’s cheating on Louise; no, it’s because he didn’t leave a note, because he didn’t stay to say goodbye.

Because he feels like he’s cheating on Hawkeye whenever he’s lying beside Louise.
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September 2011

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